She is Christmas Morning

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I’m not entirely sure why this year seems much harder than years prior. I’m not sure if it is where we are in life or the joys we’re seeing or how big the boys are or just that the number is big. I don’t know.

I hesitated to post a blog. I don’t ever want this to seem like a space where I beg for attention or throw pity parties. I deleted Facebook because I’m not a fan of that nonsense. But I feel like honesty with myself in this framework is a tool that helps me to mourn.

I found the above graphic on Pinterest. And it got me thinking about so many good, old memories…

Mom hated not having her hair fixed on Christmas morning and getting caught in pictures. She also hated getting up early. Talk about a Catch 22!

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This was a very rare Christmas morning at our house. Most years Christmas morning was at Granny and Gramps’s house in Water Valley. That’s my first Barbie doll! And that look of bliss…that’s a look I wear when I hold the boys close.

I read recently that daughters who mourn the loss of mothers, especially when that loss what at a young age, tend to mourn in stages. We can be ok for months at a time, and then suddenly something will trigger the emotions and the feeling of loss is as raw and as fresh as when she first left us. I’m not really sure if that cyclical pattern is something I would undo. The emotion helps me to remember that she was real…not a dream.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose.  – Romans 8:28

 

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